Sanu timi.... [A nepali poem]

शिर्षक: सानु तिमी....

सानु तिमी कति राम्री थियौ, 

एकै नजरमा आँखामा बस्ने

आँखाको बाटो भई मनमा उत्रिने

त्यो सुमधुर मुस्कान ह्रृदय पगलाउने

सानु तिमी साह्रै राम्री थियौ.....

एकै चोटी मात्र देखेको तिमीलाई

त्यही चिया पसलबाट तातो चिया पिँउदै

तिमी भने त्यो चौतारीमा बसेर आफ्नो साथीहरु पर्खिरहेकी

तिमीले देखेनौ सायद मलाई

तर मैले तिमीलाई देखिरहे, हेरिरहे

त्यो शायद प्रेम होइन, माया होइन....

खै: के थियो तिम्रो मुस्कानमा

तिम्रो चाल ढ़ालमा,

त्यो अनुहारमा झरेको केशलाई

कानको पछि सिउरिने तिम्रो अन्दाजमा

त्यो लौ-लौ परेका कलिला हाथका औंलाहरुमा

या तिम्रो कानमा सिउरिएका साना सुन्दर झुम्काहरुमा

जति नहेरौं भनिरहे, त्यतिनै टुलु-टुलु हेरिरहे,

म त लट्ठै परे तिम्रो पातली ति ओंठैमा,

त्यो घड़ी हेर्दै खुम्चिएका आँखीभावहरुमा,

ति गाजलु आँखाहरुमा,

बस्दा खेरि भुँई नछुएर

हावामा हल्लि रहेका खुट्टाहरुमा,

त्यो हाथमा भएको गुलाबी रंगको रुमालमा

खै.... म त लट्ठै परे तिमीमा....

न त तिम्रोमा राम्री छु भन्ने घमण्ड देखिन्थ्यो

न त दुनियासंग केहि वास्ता नै थियो

शरल, शुद्ध र निर्दोषको एउटा उदाहरण

भनौ... एउटा कविको खयाली कविता

या... एउटा चित्रकारको अविश्वसनीय चित्र

कुनै... संगितकारको मनै पगलाउने संगीत

खै थाहा छैन तिमी के थियौ

तर सानु तिमी साह्रै राम्री थियौ.....

फेरि कहिल्यै देखिन तिमीलाई कतै

चिया पिउन सधैं धाए त्यो चियापसलमा

खोजी हिड़े तिमीलाई भिड़-भाड़मा

कहिले हार्ट बाजारमा, कहिले हुल-मुलमा

अहँ कतै देखिन तिमीलाई

भेटिन तिमी जस्ती सरल र सुन्दर कोहि….

धेरै बर्ष बित्यो, धेरै उमेर ढल्यो

त्यो चियापसल पनि पुरानो भयो,

अझै पनि कहिले-काँहि चिया पिउन बस्दा त्यँहा

मेरो आँखा घरि-घरि त्यो चौतारीतिर जान्छ,

कतै तिमीलाई त्यही पाँउछु कि भनि

कतै फेरि तिम्रो त्यो मुहार देख्छु कि भनि

साँच्चै सानु तिमी कति राम्री थियौ

तिमी साह्रै राम्री थियौ....॥

- उहि तिम्रो सेन्टिफ्ल्याट कवि…..

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For 'Candy Crush' & 'Farmville' request senders [Nepali Poem]

Title: समर्पित.... ‘Candy Crush’ र ‘Farmville’ रिक्वेस्ट पठाउनेलाई.....

खेल्नु स्वास्थको लागि राम्रो भन्छन

तिमी खेल,
दिन रात खेल
उलिक उलिक भएर उल्टी गरुँजेल खेल
‘Farmville’ खेल कि ‘Candy Crush’ खेल
‘Love Triangle’ खेल या ‘Throne Rush’ खेल

तर....

मलाई किन कोचार्छौ
अब त घाँटी सम्म आई सक्यो....
टुँप्पी रिनीनी भई सक्यो
‘Candy’ नाम सुन्दै दिक्क लाग्ने भई सक्यो
न त मलाई फुर्सत नै छ
न त मन नै छ
हन खेल्नै परे ‘FIFA’ खेल्छु
‘PES’ खेल्छु, ‘Call of Duty’ खेल्छु,
‘Farm Ville’ मा साग उमार्नु भन्दा बरु
पर बारीको सब्जीमा पानी हाल्छु
‘Candy Crush’ मा रंग-बिरंगी
Candy मिलाउनु भन्दा बरु
एउटा ठूँटे कविता कोर्छु
बरु भावना मनको
सिगरेटको धुँवासंग रमलिएको हेर्छु....

हफ्तामा दुई-तिन चोटी चोटी ’Facebook’ खोल्दा

त्यो माथी ‘7 Notification’ देख्दा
हर्षित हुन्छु, गर्वित हुन्छु
कुनै राम्री बहिनीले ‘Comment’ पो गर्यो कि...?
कि कतै मेरो ग्याँचे ‘Photo’ मा ‘Like’ पो हान्यो...?
तर ‘Candy Crush’ र ‘Farmville’ को ‘Request’ बढ़ि देख्दा
मनै अमिलो हुन्छ,
जिऊ नै लल्याक-लुलुक गल्छ
काउ-कुति लाग्छ, टाउको कनाउछु
र फुस्रो मुख लगाई ‘Log Out’ गर्छु...

तिमी खेल न,

म बरु खादा लगाईदिन्छु
सयपत्रि माला चढ़ाई दिन्छु
अझै भएन ‘Certificate’ र ‘Medal’ थमाईदिन्छु
खेल्दै जाउ, जित्दै जाउ
कुनै दिन बजार-बजारमा सालिग ठड़ाईदिन्छु
तर बिन्ती छ,
मलाई चैं ‘Request’ नपठाईदेउ
बाँदरलाई नरिवल दिएर के फायदा...?
रिसाए रिसाउ, ठुस्के ठुस्क
अब घरि-घरि ‘Irritate’ नगरीदेऊ....
अब घरि-घरि ‘Irritate’ नगरीदेऊ....॥

- अमिर भण्डारी ‘छ्त्रे’

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Nepali Poem: Understanding garnu hai bhanu bajey

Title: Understanding गर्नु है भानु बाजे....!!
Genre: Comedy 

पोहोर साल जस्तै यो साल पनि फेरि
तिम्रो Birthday आँउदैछ
साहित्यको गुण-गाण गर्ने दिन
नेपालि भनि गर्व गर्ने दिन आँउदैछ....

कतिले बाकसमा राखेर 
कुच्चिएको, खुम्चिएको,
मुसाले खाईसकेको,
ठस-ठस ढ़ुड़ि गनाउने
दउरा सुरुवाल निकाली घाममा सुकाँउदैछन
कतिले दराजमा एक बर्ष देखि बन्द रहेको
धमिरा लाग्दै गरेको
माछा किराले खान थालेको
रामायण निकाली टकटकाउदैछन....

बिचरा,
लेउले पुरिसकेको
भानु बाजे, तिमी फेरि रमाउने भयौ
बनमाराको झाड़िले छोपिसकेको
भानु बाजे, तिम्रो मुर्तिले फेरि घाम देख्ने भयो….

हन.... हाम्रो बजारको कमिटी हल नेर पनि
तिम्रो प्रतिमा थिएछ....
मैले ध्यान नदिएर हो
या त जंगलले पुरेर हो
अहँ…. मैले त तिमीलाई कहिले देखेको थिइन
कति हिड़े, कति डुले म त्यो बाटो
सरी है बाजे, तिमीमा मेरो आँखा पटक्कै गएन....
रंग लाएर चटक्कै छौ होला अहिले,
खुशिले गद-गद भएर हाँसिरहेको छौ होला अहिले....
आफ्नो Birthday पर्खेर....

तर के गर्नु बाजे.....?
‘भानु जयन्ती’ भन्दा ‘भेलेन्टाईन डे’ लाई महत्व दिने
धेरै छन यहाँ
आदिकवि.... तिम्रो भन्दा
‘यामा बुद्ध’ र ‘लाउरे’ को छन धेरै fan यहाँ
दिउँसो रामायण पाठमा भन्दा
बेलुकिको ‘नाइट प्रोग्राम’ मा धेरै घुईचो हुन्छ यहाँ
दउरा सुरुवाल लगाउन नजान्ने त झन
कति छन कति यहाँ
नेपाली बोल्न लजाउने र ठुटे इंगलिश पढ़काउने
खोज्नु पर्दैन यहाँ.....

तर जे सुकै होस!
एकै दिनको लागि भएपनि,
जता-ततै.....
साहित्यको कुरो गरिनेछ
शुद्ध नेपाली शब्दहरु छानेर
वक्त्व्यहरु राखिनेछ
कविता पढ़िनेछ
रामायण पढ़िनेछ
फेरि बेलुकि उहि त हो
दउरा सुरुवाल, नेपाली टोपी
फेरि पट्याएर बाकसमा थन्काईन्छ
रामायण पोको पारि फेरि दराजमा राखिन्छ
अर्को साल फेरि भानु जयन्ति आउनेछ
लेउले छोपेको,
बनमाराको झोड़िले पुरेको
भानु बाजे... तिम्रो मुर्तिले घाम देख्नेछ....

भानु बाजे, नरिसाउनु तिमी
रिसले दाह्रा नकिटनु तिमी
साह्रै बिजी छौ है हामी सबै त
अब…. तिमी नै Understanding गरिदिनु
अब…. तिमी नै Understanding गरिदिनु………||

- अमिर भण्डारी

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Epic Proposal....

Love is indeed a strange thing and when someone is suffering from this deadly disease they exhibit strange behaviours. This post is all about madness and stupidity of a person falling in love.

My friend (un)luckily fell in love with a colleague. He wanted to propose her in a different way. Not with the common methods like sending friend request in FB and flirting on chats, or with whatsapp, or kneeling before her with a bunch of flowers.... Instead, he wanted to make it epic and classic.

After thinking for a couple of days and spending some sleepless nights, he came with an idea of proposing her  through a poem (height of EPICness). It was already a bad idea and to top it all, he asked me to write a proposal poem. Can it get any worse? :) I don’t think so.....

So, I came up with the poem below.

प्रिये,

तिम्रो लागि हिँजो आज अफिसमा

जोड़ उकालो ओरालो धाँउदैछु

कविता लेख्न नआएपनि आफुलाई

मेरो साथिलाई लेख्न लाँउदैछु....

पहिलो नजरमा नै कुन्नि किन

मलाई तिमी नै मन पर्यो

हुनु त तिम्रो साथीपनि च्वाँक थियो

तर यो मनले तिमीलाई नै रोज्यो

बख्खुमा देखे तिमीलाई पहिलो चोटि

भुटानकी रानी झैं राम्री

मलाई पनि राजा झैं देख्यौ के तिमीले ?

आँखा मन परेको हो कि

तिम्रो गाला मन परेको

कि तिम्रो नाक ?

होइन, होइन मलाई त

सोलो-डोलो तिमी नै मन परेको....

तिमीले बोलेको हरेक शब्द

कानैमा गुनुनुनु गुंजिन्छ सधैं

खै घरि घरि म त

मच्छर भनि झुकिन्छु....

हिँजो आज त झन,

सपनिबाट पनि जुरुक-जुरुक व्युझन्छु

कुनै भट्टुले प्रपोज पो गर्छ कि तिमीलाई

भनि झसंग-झसंग तर्सन्छु....

ठुलो चाहाना के नै पो छ र

सानो सपना सजाएको छु

तिमीसंग अंगेटीमा आलु पोली खाने

फेरि मकैको सीजनमा मकै

भटमासको सीजनमा भटमास

यसरी सीजन-सीजनमा नानाथरी पोलेर खाँउ

संगै मिलेर हाम्रो सानो संसार सजाँऊ....

मैले त नानीको नामपनि सोंचि सके

केवल तिमीबाट ‘Response’ पर्खदैछु

सानो परिवार सुखि परिवार  भन्छन भन्नेले

तर 3-4 वटा त निकाल्नु पर्छ सोंच्दैछु....

कमि केहि छ भने भन मेरोमा

ह्याण्डसममा ह्याण्डसम छु

बडी-सडी बनाउनलाई जिम धाँउदैछु

फेरि भएन हरेक दिन नुहाँउदैछु

तिमीलाई कोरियन लुक्स मन पर्छ रे

जबरजस्ती कता-कता कोरियन जस्तो केश काट्दैछु....

फेरि सोँच्दैछु फिक्शेसन भए पश्चात

एउटा सेकेण्ड ह्याण्ड स्कुटी पनि किन्छु

तर फेरि तिम्रो लोड स्कुटीले थाम्छ के

तिमी बस्ने साथ स्कुटी नै भुँईमा

बस्ने पो हो कि ?

म चैं एसो तिमीलाई हेर्ने निहुँले

तिम्रो तिर धाँउदा

तिमी चैं सुत्तै, सुट्टुकै भागि जाँदा

यो मन कति रुन्छ तिमीलाई के थाहा

मैले साइट खेल्दै तिमीलाई हेरि मुसुक्क हाँस्दा

तिमीले उता मेरो साथीलाई हेरि मुस्कुराउँदा

यो आत्मा कति रुन्छ तिमीलाई के थाहा....?

अब त कलमपनि थाक्यो

म त झन लख्तरान भए,

यसै कविताको माध्यमबाट

‘I Love You’ भन्दैछु

भन्छौ भने ‘I Love You Too’ भनिदेउ

नत्र भने तिम्रो साथीको नम्बर देउ

नत्र भने तिम्रो साथीको नम्बर देउ….॥

 After I handed over this poem to my friend, he read it twice and then dropped the entire idea of proposing her. I don’t think the poem was that bad, was it? No… I think he dropped the idea because of some other reasons and I am thinking, I should help my friend and give this letter to the girl without his knowledge. After all, ‘a friend in need is a friend indeed….’ Isn’t it?? J  

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Love letter that never reached the girl....

I still remember that day, the day when as usual I was 10 minutes early for the tuition. The tutor, Mr. Singh Sir was strict about punctuality so I didn't wanted to give him a chance to scold me.

Not a single minute had passed after 8AM and students of the batch previous to us started coming out from his room. Singh Sir lived in a rented apartment at Soreng Bazaar, West Sikkim. His apartment was on the ground floor of the famous Dimcos building. 

Everyday, the stairway and the little passage/verandah in the ground floor of that building used to get flooded with the students of class 10 and 12 coming for tuition. He was a renowned tutor of the locality of those days.

As the students of the previous batch left, we entered inside and took our favourite seats.... Mine being the farthest at the corner.  The first room was the tuition room with two beds and a big table in the middle. Each batch had exactly 10 students and the two beds would comfortably hold 10 asses (some big and some smaller ones... :P). Singh Sir would sit in the chair at one end of the table like the head of the family.

So, as usual we were seated, sir went inside to take a tea break and the tuition room was filled with the aroma of samosas or aalu chops maybe. Since the kitchen was attached with the tuition room, so it was impossible for them to keep their dish secret. I wondered whether the dish was as tasty as it smelt and unknowingly I gulped.... as my saliva glands went crazy.

Meanwhile, two beautiful (or cute would be better word) girls (one among them is the female protagonist of this article) entered the tuition room. Since our batch already had 10 students and adding two more was out of question and also there was no place for them to sit, I wondered why were they here!

Sir came out patting his stomach and had a discussion with them. We came to know that they were students of present class 10 from TNA, Gangtok and were on their winter vacation to their ancestral home at Soreng. Their parents had arranged tuition for them so they could utilise some amount of their vacation time. Since they were present 10, tuition classes were not as important to them as it was to us. Our exams were starting after a couple of months.

One of the girl among the two was the cutest and most importantly her height also matched mine.... Since I was hardly 4.9 back then(though I have hardly managed to grow some inches more now). Her name according to unreliable sources was Sadhana. 

Sadhana.... what a cute name! Ain't it? The tuition was never so lively before. Trigonometry was never so interesting before. I never took so much time in grooming myself for the tuition before. I even changed my seat, from my favourite place in the corner to the one close to sir (actually close to her.... :P).

In that one month, we hardly exchanged glances. Obviously I was too introvert and for her I was invisible.... sigh!!

But suddenly one day, I had a realisation. hehehe.... I knew that it was now or never. I decided to write a love letter, first love letter of my life. Though I had written a couple of letters on behalf of others and obviously they were never accepted. There must be some other reasons.... or was it because of my letter writing talent? Only god and the girls know!!

Trying in cursive font this time, I tried to write as slowly and elegantly as possible. Even managed to add a couple of dialogues like 'Rose is red, sky is blue.....' blah blah.... And finally giving it a classic touch, burnt the edges of the paper. So it was perfect. My first love letter. :P

Next day, I surprised my mom by taking a bath early in the morning. Little excited and little afraid I went for tuition. The girls came late everyday and that day too it was already 8:10 when they entered. Today I was not interested in the probability that Singh Sir was trying to teach us. I was thinking about how and where should I give the letter to her? Should I put it inside her copy when she is looking elsewhere? Ambho... how can I? I will look like a thief. Should I give her the letter and run away? Or should I act cool and try talking with her? Should I give it as soon as we leave the tuition? Or wait till we reach the market? What if she throws it away? Should I go and fetch that or leave it and pretend as if nothing happened? Should I wait till she reads it? I didn't know a thing!!

My mind was completely out of my control and I felt I was going to freak out soon.... The hour went by so fast. and by each passing minute, the pace of my heart increased.... I could literally see my hands shaking and hear my heart pounding. It was 9AM and as usual we left the room. I was still unable to decide what to do and they in a hurry went their way.

I felt sad. I became like a Devdas. I made up my mind that no matter what happens, I am giving this letter to her. Since, only some days were left for our tuition. Next day, with sheer determination and courage, I went early. I waited and waited but she didn't come. Same with the next day and the day after the next day. One day, one girl enquired about them and we came to know that their class is over. They wont be coming.

I became like Devdas++. The tuition was so boring without them. I hated going. Some days later, I too left the tuition. Days went by, slowly I forgot about her. Examination came, I got busy preparing for that. Then the tension of result, and life moved on.She was completely erased from my mind.

Couple of days back, when I was checking some of my older books and copies, I found that letter, kept neatly inside the Class 10 Mathematics book. Ignoring the little amount of fade, it was the same as I wrote it.

The memories rolled in my mind. The letter started with 

Dear S...... 

          Blah Blah Blah....

............................................         (Some dialogues)

...........................................          (Some other dialogues)

With love,

A.....

Why didn't I write Sadhana instead of S...... Maybe because I wasn't sure about her spelling or actually name hehe..... Anyways while I was reading the letter, I felt as if I was reading some funny article. The letter made me laugh so hard and I felt embarrased as it was one of the funniest thing I had ever read and the fact that it was my first love letter made it worse. I was so much glad the letter is still with me and was undelivered.

At first I thought to keep it as a memory, but suddenly I thought about my brother's reaction after reading it. I would be the laughing stock and a joke material for months or years to come. While tearing it into pieces, I smiled and tried remembering her face but I couldn't.... I wondered how did she look like... 

She was my first crush(or maybe 5th) hehe.... 

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Love Story of Vishal....

"Abey saaley.... mar gaya kya?" I banged his door every morning at around 11 A.M. (It is still morning, isn't it?). And a faint voice from inside, "jinda hoon bey!!"

This was a routine that we followed every morning.... Our flat was never silent if both of us were awake and together, always pulling each others legs and fighting! "Tujhe kisney bhej diya saale engineering karney?" "Mere sath rehkar itna toh tamiz sikh ley bey." 

I never knew that the jolly and fun loving guy had a poet inside and so many hidden stories. "Chal aaj tujhe mein apna love story batata hoon!" he said in a serious tone one day. I couldn't control my laughter and fell of my bed laughing to make fun of his poetry.... As I knew he would do the same if I would say that to him!!

In a serious tone he said, "Ye maine apne us girlfriend k liye likha tha jo mar gayi...". Unoffended by me laughing till my last breath. My face changed the reaction as if I was caught with a Kingfisher and a cigarette in my hand by my mom! 

"Sach mein?" I asked and waited impatiently for his reply. He narrated his first serious love story to me. And it goes like this: He was madly in love with one girl and they were in relationship. They used to chat whole night and their talks never seemed to finish. With each passing day, they fell more in love with each other.

Then..... this incident happened. Their love was at its peak at that time. It had become their routine to talk over phone till morning, sacrificing their sleep, call it love or the cheap call rates at night. One similar morning, my friend Vishal received a call at around 7 AM from his girl friend. They had talked till 5:30 AM that morning and Vishal had just been able to get a sleep. His girl suddenly wanted a break up. He was startled because they had talked fine a couple of hour ago. They had no problem in their relationship, but she suddenly wanted a breakup and she had no reason, she simple wanted breakup.

Startled and little angry over her action, Vishal thought she is just being childish and she would be fine after a couple of days. But after couple of days he heard the news that she committed suicide and left no suicide note.... No one knew why she ended her life, what her real problem was, why she sacrificed her golden days to come!

At that time, he wrote this poem to her then-dead girl friend. As he was reading that poem to me, it touched my heart. For the first time in my life I was listening to a poem with a hidden story behind it. If I would read it unaware of circumstances under which it was written, the poem may not be that interesting and touching but after knowing the truth behind it, it surely touched my heart.

"Na jane kyu maine ye moti us ke liye baha diye,
Jise shok mera dil todne ka tha....
Is kadar tootkar chaha unhe humne,
Jinhe itminaan mere tootne ka tha....
Kis kadar koi apna sa lagne lagta hai,
Kis kadar koi apna sa hone lagta hai,
Ye wo kya janenge kabhi,
Jinhe to sukoon bewafayi Se milta hai....
Hum sath unke chalne ke sapne sanjote rahe,
Magar unhe to sath chuda ke jana tha....
Kyu aaye meri zindgi ko tabaah kerne tum,
Kyu muje chahat ka aayina dikhaya,
Hum jis aaiyne ke aakhs me jinhe dhoondte rahe,
Unhe toota hua kaanch acha lagta tha....
Ja hi rahe the to kamsE kam mere pyar ka mazak to na yu banate tum,
Magar uhne to pyar me rota hua koi aasik acha lagta tha....
Mere aansuo ki keemat itni bhi to sasti nhi thi,
Jo unhe aankhe bhi na naseeb huyi,
Basa liya unhe hi aapni aakho me,
Jinhe shauk aakho me aansu dekhney ka tha....."

It was hard for him to spend a couple of days, weeks or months maybe... But life goes on!! We move on!! We cannot simply sit back and live with the past. 

Now he is a happy man, happily married to a wonderful women, loving each other madly again. But the pain that resides in the heart sometime surfaces to his heart.... mostly when he takes a couple of shots or some Vijay Mallya's Kingfisher!!

About Vishal:
Vishal Tomer is a Civil Engineer who did his engineering from KITE, UPTU. (Un)Fortunately he shared the flat with us at Indrapuram where I stayed. A good friend who never knew saying "No" to anything.... 

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“ गल्फ्रेन्ड ” - Girlfriend [Nepali Poem]

Poem Title:  “ गल्फ्रेन्ड ”

Genre: Comedy

नभै हुंदै नहुने

भए पाल्नै सारो पर्ने,

कस्तो हो यो गल्फ्रेन्ड भन्ने प्राणी

खर्ल्याप-खुर्लुप पारेर जाने ॥

साथी-भाई हाथ समाई हिड़ेको देख्दा,

रातभरि गुन-गुन गुन-गुन गरेको सुन्दा,

क्लासमा संगै टाँसिएर बसेको देख्दा,

अनि संगै केंटिन धाएको देख्दा,

मलाई पनि असंतुलित रहर जागेर आयो

एकान्तमा च्वांक म्वाई खाएको देख्दा ॥

बल्ल-तल्ल एउटी मैले पनि छाने,

जोत-जात, लतर-पतर कुरा गरि एसो मनाए,

खुब आकाश पटि हेरेर हिड़ने भए

गल-फ्रेंडको धनि भए भनि ॥

त्यो रात त आकाशमा कालो बादल छायो,

चट्यांग-चुटुंग पनि जोड़ै गर्यो,

सिरक भित्र गुटुमुटु भई रातभरि गफ हाने,

तर प्रक्रितिको संदेश बुझ्नै सकिन,

हरेक चट्यांगले चिच्याई-चिच्याई कराएछ

तेरो कालो दिन शुरु भयो भनि ॥

त्यस पछि उहि त हो,

मोबाईलको बिलले गगन चुम्बकांति गर्यो,

टेड्डी र के-के बेच्ने भैया पनि जोड़ै उक्सियो

झन त्यो केंटिनको आज्ञा त........ ॥

फेरि भएन हफ्तै पछि घुम्नु जानु पर्ने रे,

नत्र relationship मा प्रोब्लेम आऊछ रे,

हरेक दिवस मा गिफ्ट नदिए

Importance घट्छ रे ।।

गिफ्ट दिंदा दिंदै पनि

Restaurant धाऊद-धाऊदै पनि,

रिसाको रिसाकै

एउटा कल नउठाऊदा पनि ॥

निंद्रा लाग्यो भन्नै नपाऊने, बोलनै पर्ने

पैसा छैन भन्नै नपऊने, आउनै पर्ने

समोसा दोकान त देख्दै नदेख्ने

Subway र CCD धाऊनै पर्ने ॥

तिम्रो dress up भएन रे,

तिम्रो hair style मन परेन रे,

कांटा ले खानु जानिन रे,

Romantic हुनु सकिन रे

यो सब जान्दा जान्दै love नै किन गर्नु ?

यो सोझो थिटो लाई tension किन दिनु ?

कुनै केटिले यो पढ़दैछ भने,

मुख बंगाएर ‘What rubbish!!’ नभनिदिनु

म पिड़ित B.F. को तर्फबाट लेख्दैछु

हाम्रो पनि पिड़ा बुझिदिनु......

कुनै केटाले पढ़दैछ भने,

मुसु-मुसु हाँस्दैछ भने,

कता कता घोंच्दैछ होला

‘मेरै कथा लेखेछ बजियाले’ सोंच्दै होला.....

हे नारि हो, हे G.F. हो

हामी B.F. जातिलाई पनि दया गरिदेऊ,

सत्य कुरा लेख्दैछु  म,

गल्ति भए माफ गरिदेऊ ॥

- Amir Bhandari, 'छ्त्रे'

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Mero Degree Holder Choro.... [Nepali Poem]

Title: मेरो Degree Holder छोरो.......
Genre: व्यंग्य [Comedy]

आयो छोरो आयो

नाकले धुँवा फुस फुस छोरदै आयो

हाथमा Marlboro चेपेर आयो

आयो छोरो आयो ||

टाटे पांग्रे केस बनाएर

जुम्राको गुड बोकेर आयो,

कानमा कुन्डल र आँखामा काजल

छोरि जस्तो भएर आयो ||

पढन भनि सहर पसेको छोरो

आज धेरै पढेर आयो,

भोलि को घर को सहारा बन्न

छोरो घर फर्केर आयो ||

आहा,

कति खुशी आमा हेर

झनै खुशी छन् बुवा

आखिर यत्रो सालको मेहनत पछि

छोरो Graduate भएर आयो ||

तर यो के ?

छोरो त ढुंग ढुंग खट्टू गनाउदैछ

खाएर आयो कि पिएर आयो

तर खट्टूको गन्ध लिएर आयो ||

नबोली कोठामा पसेर सुत्यो

"छोरा" भनि बोलाए बाउले

"Plz dont disturb!" भन्ने उत्तर आयो

अवाक्क थिए आमा-बाउ

बिचरा छोरा के भएर आयो ||

बाउ ले पुलुक्कै आमा लै हेरे

त्यो हेराई मा डर थियो,

लाज थियो, सरम थियो,

घुटुक्कै थुक निल्दै बाउले भने

"यो लठुवा के भएर आयो ?"

खट्टू को राप ले हो कि ?

मायालु को चाप ले हो ?

छोरो त निदाएछ,

कि Degree को धाक ले हो ||

Graduate छोरो स्वाँ स्वाँ गर्दै सुत्यो

जुरुक्कै फेरी निन्द्राबाट उठ्यो

अचानक Newton's Law को पो याद आयो कि

कि नया Invention को Idea आयो

तर छोरो फुत्त बाहिर निस्की, छादनु सम्म छादयो

Khowledge Overflow भाको भन्छ

तर Knowledge त ठुस ठुस Honey Bee गनाउछ ?

लड़बरिन्दै छोरो फेरी भित्र पस्छ

भुइँ मा फ्याततै लडी निदाऊछ ||||

सायद बेसी परेर हो कि

छोरो को आँखा सुनिएको,

रात भरि को Project ले हो कि

छोरो को hips सुकेको,

Semester को खटाई ले हो कि

नसै नसा भएको,

केस काट्न नभ्याएर होला

Einsten जस्तो पालेको ||

यो सोचि बाउले ठुलो सास फेरे

सुकेको छाती फुलाए,

सास अड्केछ बुदोको

झन्डै राम-नाम सत्य भए ||

छोरो दिनै Village Tour मा जान थाल्यो

बिहे बटुल जोरै धाउन थाल्यो,

यो Degree Holder छोरोको व्यवहार देखि

बाउलाई One son को tension ले पिर पार्यो ||

शास्त्र पढने बाटो हगुवा भन्ने त सुनेको थिए

College पढनेले आँगनमा छि-छि गर्यो,

पढेर ठुलो भै आमा-बाउलाई हेर्छ भन्ने

बाउको सपना पनि कहिले मर्यो मर्यो ||

तर जे होस्,

छोरो समाज सेवा धेरै गर्छ,

मरौ परौ पर्यों  यदि गाउमा भने

तेरह दिनमा मात्रै घर फर्किन्छ,

A trial, K pet र के-के तिर

जोड सिपालु भएछ ||

घरि पंचायततिर उठ्छु भन्छ

घरि गनेउला पाल्छु भन्छ

घरि खसी व्यापार गरि

पैसा अलिक कमाउनु छ भन्छ ||

अब बाउले एउटा बुहारी खोज्दैछन्,

यो छोरोलाई तह लाउनु सक्ने

Village Tour तिर गए खुट्टा भाच्ने

खट्टू खाएमा गाला पड्काउने

बरु संगै बसेर अलि अलि सडकाउने

नाक र कान छोडी अरुतिर पनि कुण्डल लाउने

साड़ी लाएर हिडेमा अल्झेर लडी हाल्ने

Jeans र Top मा नै Comfortable भन्ने

लांग्सा [ox], फाक्सा [pig], बुड़ो भैसी केहि नछोडने

लटर-पटर English पनि पड्काई हाल्ने

गाऊका सबै केटाहरुलाई राखी बाधि

"दादा" भनि हात समातेर हिड्ने,

तपाई को तिर छ कि

छ भने छ्यास्सै Miss Call गरिदिनु होला है ||

Note: Meant for fun. If this relates to someone living then what can I do? :P

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Oppa Gangnam Style......

Many times I had seen my brother running around our house shouting 'Gangnam Style.....' and posing like a monkey and I thought this guy seriously needs treatment. For me Gangnam Style was like 'kun chara ko naam ho?' as I had never heard of it before.

One fine day, I was there on the road trying to take pictures of two dogs making out... ;) And suddenly they stuck... And I was there with a camera in hand laughing like anything over the condition of those two dogs. And I didn't realize an aunt was coming behind me. I turned around, on seeing her felt very guilty and hastily pretended to be taking the pics of the hills and skies.... 

By the time she crossed, the dogs also vanished from sight and I sat there looking at those photos.... Suddenly I hear 'Oppa.... Gangnam Style....' and I thought alas my brother is ill again and glanced down. There he was, on our courtyard, seeing me, started dancing again cause he knew that I would be taking his monkey-pose pics too.

I came back to my room, wondering is my brother really getting ill or am I too backward to know what is Gangnam Style.... Then I googled it and then I realized what it actually was. Soon, I was watching it on youtube (though waiting for about half an hour to get it buffered). Later, two voices were heard around our house, 'Oppa Gangnam Style....' and two figures dancing, now my parents are thinking that we both need treatment.

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Confused and dazed.....

I stretched my fingers..... stretched my back..... took the pen in hand..... ready to flood the answer sheets with all that I knew as today was the exam of my favorite subject [or at least thats what I thought!]. Took a last look around the class as I knew that I wouldn't be getting time to look around because I had too much to write.....

The coordinator came distributing the question paper and I was eager to take it in my hand and just start.... And the moment came...... I took a deep breath and looked at the first question.

Q.1. Answer any four from the following.

a) What is controlling? Write down its features and methods?

hmmm?? controlling?? in Web Tech?? Did I miss this topic?? Thank god.... there are choices!! I look at the second question:

b) Explain briefly Six Sigma.

Six Sigma?? I scratch my head.... I know one statement about Six Sigma..... "Six Sigma is a business management strategy, originally developed by Motorola, USA in 1986." 

But what does this has to do with Web Tech? Where did the ASP, JSP, ASP.NET, AJAX, XML go?

Confused like hell, I gave a frightful look at the top of the question paper, in uppercase it was written INDUSTRIAL MANAGEMENT. I dont remember what kind of expression I gave but I am sure it wasn't normal.The coordinator thought I was going to pass out, came quickly towards me and asked, 'beta kya hua?'

'Sir, are you sure you have given us the correct question paper?'

'yes!! why..... what happened?'

'It is Web Tech exam today!' I boosted with confidence.

He smiled and went away.....

I remember somewhere I have read, being silent is sometimes the best way to win an argument, simply because you cannot argue with silence. I understood the meaning clearly today. He made me understand that I was wrong by simply remaining silent.

I looked around.... everyone was busy with their pens. Pravesh looking at me bewildered..... hiding his anger and frustration with a big smile.

'Juum?' he murmured....

Though there is literally no meaning to the above statement in Nepali but as usual I understood he was referring to 'lets go!'

But both of us knew that this process doesn't support backward compatibility, i.e. we couldn't leave. And we had to be there for the next 3 hours answering all the questions that seems like a distant cry.

Like the famous nepali proverb, 'kun chara ko naam ho?' meaning 'which birds name is it?'

The question indeed seem like a birds name to me....

I started performing random access to the address of my memory to see if the chunk of files saved in the unknown tracks and sectors of my brain could be restored. I tried all the recovery tools and techniques to recover and luckily some packets that weren't deleted from the memory though overwritten by other files could be restored.

Doing the maximum utilization of the available resources, I was able to fill up the answer sheet. But there was no need to do error checking as it would lead to the error in all the files, so I decided to leave the process of error detection and checking to our beloved sir.

Hoping he will be in good mood while checking the paper!!

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छत्रेको डायरी - भाग १ [Chatrey ko diary - Part 1]

छत्रेको डायरी - भाग १

२० साल पुग्दा नपुग्दै आफु बुड़ो भएको भावनाले ग्रसित भएर कलम चलाउन बाध्य भए | यतिका सालहरुमा मुस्किल ले ५ फीट बढेको यो ठाडो शरीर कुन दिन पुलुक्कै हुने हो र आफ्नो नामको अघि पनि स्वर्गवासी टायटल थपिने हो |  हुनु त मैले स्वर्ग जाने केहि काम गरेको छु जस्तो त लाग्दैन तरै पनि आजसम्म कसैले 'नर्गवासी फलानो ढिस्को' भनेको नसुनेको ले यो मनमा कता-कता हर्स पनि लाग्छ, स्वर्गै जान्छु भनेर |

हिजो मात्र जस्तो लाग्छ कट्टु बिनाको हाप्पेन लाएर लुखुर-लुखुर बजार गाको, सुलसुले खेल्दा फेरी त्यै हाप्पेनको पनि पछाडी पट्टि प्वाल परेको, भुइँ खोदाली-खोदाली जंगली अमला खाको, गनेउला पोलेर माछा भन्दै खाको, बाँसको जराको लाते भुकुंदो खेलेको, के-के जाति चै गरिन र मैले ?

एक-दुइ दिन गर्दै कति छिटो दुनिया कहाँ देखि कहाँ आइ पुगेछ पत्तै पाईएन  | त्यो फाटेको लुखुरे हाप्पेनपनि आमाको लागि झुम्रो भईसकेछ |  त्यो हिजो को कट्टु नचिन्ने केटा पनि आज Jockey र Neva मात्रै खोज्ने भएछ | कठैबर......

सानो हुँदा कहिले ठुलो हुनु र के-के गरुँ भन्ने भावनाले मनै अमिलो पारि दिन्थ्यो तर आज ठुलो भएपछि भने नक्कली केटिहरु हेर्दा-हेर्दा आँखै धमिलो हुन्छ |  जे होस् उमेरलाई दोस दिंदै भए पनि  सुन्दरता छर्दै हीन्ने ठिटीहरु चै हेर्ने गर्छु, आँखा लोभी मन पापी भने झैँ |  तर जे भने पनि छाउरो कुकुरले छाउरी कुकुर पछ्याएको जस्तो पछ्याउनु चै सिकेन यो ज्यान ले, नत: ट्वाक्क-ट्वाक्क जिब्रो पड्काउनु सिक्यो..... बरु हेर्यो घुटुक्क थुक निल्यो बस:  |

सानै देखि बाऊ-आमाको आज्ञाकारी बालक भएपनि श्रवणकुमार भन्ने उपाधि भने कहिले पाईन र चाहिएन पनि | हुन त श्रवणकुमार हुने जोसमा धनु-कांड लिएर हिड्दा मौरीले चिलेको एउटा घटना अझै मेरो घरमा हाँस खेलको लागि बर्णन भै रहन्छ |

 

नेपाली साहित्यकार बनि नेपाली समाजमा योगदान पुरयाउने ठुलो इच्छा र सपना बोकेर अघि बढीरहेको यो मोरो आज अलपत्रै बाटोमा ट्वाँ परेको जस्तो लाग्छ  |  लाग्छ कि अझै यो हातमा नेपाली साहित्यलाई योगदान पुरयाउने खाल्को ताकत आएको छैन | एउटा मोरोले त प्याच्च बोली हाल्यो कि दाह्री-जुंगा नफुलुन्जेल त जति लेखेपनि जति धसेपनि कसैले पत्याउने हैनन् |

 

तर कसैले पत्याउने र नपत्याउने कुराले यो मोरोलाई तातो न छारो हुन्छ | यो मोरोलाई लेख्ने जोस चलेकै छ | यसको प्रमाण तपाई यो कुराबाट लगाई हाल्नुहोस कि यस समय सबैजना परीक्षा दिनमा ब्यस्त छन् र म भने यो कक्षामा बसेर प्रस्न-पत्रको पछाडीपट्टि यो लेख लेख्दैछु........

 

क्रमस......................

[जब छत्रे फ्री हुन्छ]

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Me VS Onion........

Though scientists have their own theories and reasons why tears roll out of our eyes when we peel onions. But for me it was something different..... as I was deeply moved by a theory that I heard in my childhood days.

I remember a day when I was peeling onions... crying, as if I broke up with my first girl friend. My grandma yelled... 'pyaj sahanu nasakney le buri sahanu sakdaina hai keta....' [Boy! those who can't bear onions can't bear their wife]

That was the moment when I decided to be an 'ultimate onion peeler' no matter what, not taking any chances to ruin my relationship with my wifey.... :)

You call it my fate or anything, onions have become a part of my life now. In the flat where we stay [recently named as Reverie House], you'll probably see me cutting onions most of the time... 

There is this one person responsible for me turning into Onion-Man: Mr. Vinay Sir, just to give you a little idea, he is the man who needs 5 kilos of onion, 2 kilos of tomato, half kilos of lasun and half kilos of garlic... all this for 2 kilo chicken.

So, I have taken up the task of cutting onions and making everything ready for him while he prepares the dish. At first he used to get shocked on seeing us eating rice with chicken.... his favourite dialogue 'ap log chicken ke saath chawwwal kaise khate ho?' [How do you manage to eat rice with chicken?] OR 'bina roti k pet kaise bharta hoga?' [How do you get full on stomach without chapati?]

Though this Onion-Man peels and cuts lot of onion on a daily basis but still I haven't made myself capable enough to bear the prickling sensation in my eye.... I am afraid if all my efforts have gone in vain!!

OMG..... thats really frightening.... If I can't bear the onions, how can I bear my wife? huhuhu.......

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