Me VS Onion........

Though scientists have their own theories and reasons why tears roll out of our eyes when we peel onions. But for me it was something different..... as I was deeply moved by a theory that I heard in my childhood days.

I remember a day when I was peeling onions... crying, as if I broke up with my first girl friend. My grandma yelled... 'pyaj sahanu nasakney le buri sahanu sakdaina hai keta....' [Boy! those who can't bear onions can't bear their wife]

That was the moment when I decided to be an 'ultimate onion peeler' no matter what, not taking any chances to ruin my relationship with my wifey.... :)

You call it my fate or anything, onions have become a part of my life now. In the flat where we stay [recently named as Reverie House], you'll probably see me cutting onions most of the time... 

There is this one person responsible for me turning into Onion-Man: Mr. Vinay Sir, just to give you a little idea, he is the man who needs 5 kilos of onion, 2 kilos of tomato, half kilos of lasun and half kilos of garlic... all this for 2 kilo chicken.

So, I have taken up the task of cutting onions and making everything ready for him while he prepares the dish. At first he used to get shocked on seeing us eating rice with chicken.... his favourite dialogue 'ap log chicken ke saath chawwwal kaise khate ho?' [How do you manage to eat rice with chicken?] OR 'bina roti k pet kaise bharta hoga?' [How do you get full on stomach without chapati?]

Though this Onion-Man peels and cuts lot of onion on a daily basis but still I haven't made myself capable enough to bear the prickling sensation in my eye.... I am afraid if all my efforts have gone in vain!!

OMG..... thats really frightening.... If I can't bear the onions, how can I bear my wife? huhuhu.......

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यो फुटेको खप्पर...... भाग-1 [Yo futeko khappar - part 1]

यो फुटेको खप्पर...... भाग-1

हिजो आज त अचम्मै हुनु थालेको छ। मनमा नाना थरीको भावनाहरु आइ रहन्छ।  खोइ यो मेरो मनभित्र कुनै साहित्यकारको आत्मा पस्यो कि क्या हो? होला......मन मनै कविता लेख्न थालेको छु। झन हिजो त अचम्मै भयो, एउटा महकाब्य लेखी पठाए। एउटा राम्री केटी देख्नै हुँदैन, मनमा के के भावनाहरु आउन थाल्छ। तर खोइ, त्यो मनको भावनाको छाप गालामा बस्छ भनेर डर  लाग्छ। त्यसैले यो भावनालाई मनभित्रै गुम्साएर राख्न  बाध्य छु। 

मन भित्रनै एउटा पुस्तकालय बनी सकेकोछ तर त्यो किताबहरु  केवल मैले मात्रै  पढेको  छु,  त्यो तथ्यहरु केवल मैले मात्र बुझेको छु । तर ती सबै तथ्यहरु बेकारका हुन् । ती सबै मैले उहिले क्लास १०  मा पढेको trigonometry हरु जस्तै हुन् जुन मलाई कहिले पनि काम लागेको छैन अनि लाग्दैन पनि ।

 sin(theta)  = cos(theta) / tan(theta) भए पनि, या

sin(theta) = tan(theta) / cos(theta) या (alpha) भए पनि

यो मोरोलाई केहि तातो-छारो छैन । तेती मात्रै कहाँ हो र ? अकबर को छोरो बाबर हो कि बाबर को नाती अकबर हो, यो मोरो ले बुझ्नै सकेको छैन । अब कसलाई दोस दिनु र ?

तर जे होस् हिजो आज भने चै यो मनलाई खोइ के-खोइ के भैरहेको छ । सत्ये रामा-राम भाकै छ । घरि घरि त मलाई मेरो बाऊ-आमा संग झोक झोक चल्छ । मलाई अलिक छिटो जन्माएको भए सायद म पनि एक-दुइ कृति हरु लेखि दिन्थे होला । मेरो बाजे झन् ढिलो, अभुई मेरो बाजे को बाजे झनै ढिलो । मलाई  L.P. Deokota भन्दा छिटो जन्माएको भए सायद म लेक्थे माहाकाब्यहरु, मुना मदन अनि के-के जातिहरु । भानु बाजे भन्दा छिटो जन्माएको भए? ओहो सोच्दा मात्रै आनन्द लागेर आऊछ...... रक्सी खाएर आनन्द आएको जस्तै  !!

अब के लेख्नु ? के छ र बाकी ? केहि राखेनन्...... खण्ड काब्य, लघुकाब्य , के-के काब्य सबै सबै सिद्धियो । यो दुइ पौण्ड को दिमागलाई एसो जोर लगाई हेर्दा त खोइ केहि देख्दिन । 

फेरी अर्को टेन्सन छ: दुख सुख गरेर एउटा काब्य लेखि हाले भने पनि पर्लान् के इनिहरु ? फेसबुकका किरा हरुलाई त म पटक्कै बिश्वास लाग्दैन । मेरो किताब फ्लोप बनाईदिए भने ? के ठेगान इनिहरुको ? कस्तो राम्रो राम्रो चलचित्र त फ्लोप बनाई दिन्छन । फेरी डराएर नलेख्नु पनि नभाको..... सारै ठुलो धर्म-संकटमा परे नि बाबै ।

जे सुकै होस्  I believe I can fly भन्ने  गीत सम्झिदै म पनि काम गर्नु थाल्छु । यो दुइ पावा को गिदीमा घरि घरि त जोश चल्छ । कि ति सबै नेपाली कृति हरुको second version निकालीदिउ ?

•  'मुना-मदन' जस्तै  'माईली-हर्केको माया प्रिती' ।
•  'गाईने-गीत' जस्तै  'Jackson Songs' ।
•  'सुलोचना' जस्तै 'धन-कुमारी'  ।
• 'पुतली' जस्तै  'The Butterfly' ।
• 'Badhu Shiksa '  जस्तै 'Bride's IQ Test'  ।
• 'Bhakti Mala'  जस्तै 'Faith Garland' ।

अहिले मान्छेलाई first version त पर्ने फुर्सत छैन, मेरो second version कसले पर्ला र ? जे होस् यो कृतिहरु छिट्टै बजारमा आऊदैछ । wait गर्नुहोला.....

 क्रमस:.....

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Engineers working on Project MOMO.

After we came to know that one of our junior had a moktu [* who doesn't know about the utensil used for making momos?], we went frenzy and decided to go for it as it was a week day and we wanted to have some fun.

Task was distributed and I along with one of my friend got a cockeyed task of fetching 2kgs of cabbage from the market in the clinchy heat. As someone had to go anyway, we went off.... complaining about the maladministration.

After our feeble efforts of bargaining had failed, we bought the 2kgs of cabbage in their original MRPs and were returning back when I remembered about the wizzing powder [*hucching powder as we say at our village].

'Arrey bhaiya, wizzing powder hai kya?'

'Bleaching powder? kitna packet?'

'nahi nahi..... wizzing powder!'

'Ab wo kya hota hai bhai?' :P

I became fretful as it was impossible to make him understand what hucching powder was, we decided to have our momos without one.

Work started, someone making chapatis [*roti sounds better than chapati right?], someone making kima[now don't tell me that you dont know about kima.... its the thing that you put inside momo... you dumbo], some playing loud music and that too of simple plan's and Jay Z. I urging them to play some hindi numbers so that the people around our flats would also enjoy.

With some interruptions in the electricity and some other minor problems,  we had cooked three sets of fashionable momos[30 in each].

Thats when our aunty[aunty... not aunt...] arrives, getting startled and amused at first when seeing young engineers busy at work. 

'Ye kya bana rahey ho?'

'Momo hai aunty'

Aunty was happy as she need not cook food for us for the evening. After reducing some numbers of momo from our cooker, she left praising us.

Meanwhile, some of our friends arrive... whom we had called to taste the dish of our place. 

I knew now it was obligatory to fetch some more cabbage and flour[maida] from the market. As my plea didn't work, I had to offer four momos before somebody agreed.

At around 8pm, we had our last set of momo placed on the moktu and everyone was tired and full on stomach too. Thats when someone called 'pakyo hai pakyo...'[Its cooked....] from inside.

We went rushing towards the kitchen.... though full on stomach.... we knew that this was the last set and god knows when we are going to have this type of day again.

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